Blessings While Awaiting Justice
I am so incredibly blessed and fortunate for the community that surrounds and supports me. I have been sick lately and showing it. I’ve been reminded by many to rest and take care of myself. I couldn’t sleep last night though. Memories were flooding back. I was trying to remember them more clearly, make sense of them and put them in perspective.
The more I remember, the less painful it becomes. It’s still hard not to have the answers I seek regarding the role others played in our trafficking. I was reminded by a wonderful momma who knows what I’m enduring and supports me that God is with me always. He has the answers and is looking after me. She said, “God grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change; courage to change what I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.”
It has always been difficult for me to have that serenity. I am like my dad in that I have little patience for certain things. He often said that in the military he had to hurry up and wait. He refused to wait anymore. He unfortunately had to many times, as have and do I. While daddy couldn’t tolerate waiting, I can’t tolerate not knowing the truth.
When I was around twelve, our family went to a resort. I started reading a book but didn’t understand one word. I was always told to look up information but my dictionary was at home. When I was three-quarters through, I decided to ask my parents what reefer was. I showed them the word and awaited their response but got something far different.
My mom pretended not to know and enquired about the book. She wanted me to stop reading the ‘horrible’ book. It was crappy writing with a stupid plot but I wanted to see it through to the end. I turned to my dad who had a larger vocabulary for answers and the ability to finish it. He sighed, rolled his eyes, turned to my mom and said, “She’s almost done. Just tell her what it is and let her finish it. It won’t hurt her anymore than it already has.”
She always made him do the honors. She didn’t want to teach or tell me anything ‘bad.’ When he told me several synonyms, I asked why they didn’t just say that in the first place? The book made more sense now. I thanked my dad and went off to finish the book my mom wanted to burn.
My mom never wanted me to be hurt by the truth. My dad had learned with the help of his military family that I could handle the truth, no matter how difficult it was. We simply talked it through until I understood the various aspects of it. I might shed tears and hug him tightly but I tried my best to keep a stiff upper lip. I soldiered on more confident than ever because I understood the truth in its entirety.
I have pieced together much of the crime committed against my mother and I but it’s only from what I was privy to through my experiences. I can suppose much about it but it’s a far cry from what charging documents would reveal.
I look forward to the day when I am talked through them. I will ask many questions; shed many tears; give plenty of hugs and finally understand the truth about what happened to us. It will be the day when I finally get the shackles and chains that bind me in slavery removed and I am truly free.
I am confident that it will happen. I just have to try to have patience until then. I remember several of the dedicated agents involved. Those I have spoken to have proven to me that they understand what happened to me and are trying to help. I believe they understand that
Every life matters, especially yours.
God bless Nebraska and especially Her people.
