Trust

My rhythm is slowing down considerably. It isn’t just the rain, heat nor my disease which merely prevents my body from functioning. It’s my mind as well. I am enjoying my life. I’m doing whatever I feel like doing at that moment. I visit with friends. I cook and therefore eat well. I’m walking as the heat and my disease allow. I’m moving with my disease instead of against it which I have had to do to survive.

I don’t exactly go very far but I’ve always been stuck between a wandering nomad and a homebody. I shall blame that on my autism clashing with my ADHD. Who will win is anyone’s guess. Even my desire to wander is less frantic and more of a Sunday drive or lazy roadtrip. I don’t have a car but I’ll get there one day, inshallah.

I feel somewhat guilty for taking care of myself when justice hasn’t been served. I have fought so hard for so long. It’s been a year since I lost track of the children. The last attack on me was over 6 months ago. The Towers have been getting better at security and the community here is very supportive. I feel safe enough and can breathe a bit before fighting again. I’m not sure that I will have to though.

I once overheard someone saying that I’m just too smart in defeat after attacking me. It’s not just my intelligence though. My intelligence and integrity have been on full display since we were taken. I have admitted to whatever mistakes I have made. I have been beyond open, honest and transparent with absolutely everyone. My words and actions are consistent with what has been observed by an entire community and the world. There is no doubt as to my veracity.

I have to be kept in the dark and not influenced in any way for the integrity of the investigation. As well as the safety of those undercover. I apologize if I burned any. Everything that I say and do is naturally me. They are proof of the crimes committed against my mother and I. A person can only fake things for so long before they are caught in their lies enough to make them not credible.

I didn’t realize it because of the amnesia and trauma but I am the most credible person I know. The FBI already had a file on me. They knew who I was in 2008. They had my six through this. They just need to bring me home, safe and sound. Soon, inshallah.

Even if people refuse to come forward and testify in my absence, I have left the largest paper trail throughout the world. I have even placed my testimony in government records throughout the country by writing to various government officials throughout my journey. I have texted what was happening as it happened. When I found evidence, I photographed and documented it all as it was discovered and sent it in text messages. I haven’t thought about police procedure since college but I did my best considering I didn’t really know or understand the significance of that fact at the time.

I know that Fremont PD and Dodge County Sheriffs have been implicated by the traffickers and therefore me. I can’t speak to the innocence nor guilt of anyone. I simply documented our encounters and shared my feelings at the time. I tried to remind them all of their oaths and duty.

I didn’t want any good cop to fall from grace for a stupid mistake made with a trafficking survivor nor to be influenced by a dirty cop, frustration, etc. The dirty must be removed for the good ones to truly shine. I know that a few of them truly shone themselves to be great cops throughout this. I’m proud of you, officers.

It was fortunate that I discovered and documented everything so that it couldn’t be said to have been planted or destroyed by dirty cops. I was happy to do it since they kept watch over me from a respectable distance. I was a bit terrified and didn’t fully understand at the time but I do now. Thank you, officers!

Thank you to all of those involved in helping me through this for your service and sacrifice not just to me but this community and therefore the world. I’m forever grateful. I will do whatever I can to have your six as you’ve had mine.

I trust you. When you bring me home, that will be the ultimate proof of your character and my faith in you. It will be my honor and privilege to salute you with a tear soaked smile. (I’ll just pretend that you said at ease.) The traditional hug is up to you, naturally but it would be my pleasure. Family traditions are sometimes more important than religious ones. Stavrillah. God forgive me.

I think that God will approve though. He is quite understanding and reasonable. He saved me and I’m a gay/queer, disabled, Muslim woman. My mom was unwed when I was born and she’s sitting in heaven with the martyrs near God. Mashallah. God preserve it.

God has always shone that

Every life matters, especially yours.

God bless Nebraska and especially Her people.