Happy Pride, Y’all!
I am pansexual which means that I can be physically attracted to people of any gender, including transgender people. We say that we are attracted to hearts and not parts. While I have only dated cis men, this wasn’t by choice. Most of my crushes have been on girls. I questioned my best friend growing up about my sexuality. She insisted that I liked boys. Well, in truth others too but this was a common belief back then.
We rarely talked about anything other than being straight. I assumed that all girls had thoughts of kissing each other without ever acting on it. We sometimes knew that this wasn’t true but we were good, Middle Class, college bound girls. The husband, 2.5 kids and perfect house in the suburbs with hired help while having a satisfying career was to be our future.
We couldn’t have any blemishes in our life for fear that it would ruin our ideal lives. We sometimes discussed it abstractly. Our future husband and children would be shamed and stigmatized because of our little indiscretion. We would lose everything. We would be ruined. Then there was AIDS. The backlash against queer people was horrific and devastating. They lost their friends and lovers while being blamed for it.
The fury from my dad about us was horrifying but common back then. I heard every slur countless times before. Fag, gay, fairy, sissy, queer, homo and more were leveled at any male who didn’t conform to his standards. It was different for girls somehow.
If we were butch, we were dykes who just needed the loving of a good man. I seriously doubt it and I wouldn’t suggest attempting it. Trust me. I ain’t exactly butch and I’ve fucked a few bitches up. Alright.
We fems just needed to make ourselves more attractive to men. I’m sorry but I refuse to dumb myself down just to get an ignorant, mouth breathing, knuckle dragging, piece of shit man. Anymore. I learned.
I was sexually harassed since birth practically. It is just the life of girls. Old men would sit with their penises hanging out and erect believing the lies that a little girl would knowingly and willingly pleasure them. I was born to a single White female in 1974 Detroit though.
I learned the ways and moves of Detroiters of all varieties, even the most bad ass but sweetest gays. God bless them all. There wasn’t going to be no person who was going to lay their hands on me without getting fucked up. I walked like the darkest ghetto granny in my witchy little ‘Tabitha Stevens’ body. Nobody messed with me or so I tried to believe.
The truth is that the darkest ghetto gran didn’t get so tough and beloved by the easy route. They earned every bit of respect and love from everyone they met. I did the same just as the palest ghetto granny.
I earned my stripes by being used, abused and mistreated for various reasons and by various means while remembering to be respectful, understanding and forgiving when they stand down. I mean I do get that Georgian in my mouth sometimes. I try to mind my manners like the proper Southern ladies taught me. I mean I always have a pitcher of Luzianne sweet tea in my fridge. If I don’t, you have my permission to tan my hide for it. That just isn’t Southern Hospitality, now is it?
I always felt like I fit in there with the gayness of Savannah and all. You know I ain’t the only one, honey child. Mind yourselves. You sometimes know who swings what way and you just mind ya business around them and spill the tea all over the South, ya know? I mean everyone knows that I’m a Muslim named Darcy Mohamed but nobody needs ta know that, ya know.
I’ze just Miss Darcy. Lena’s granddaughter. Bev and Ron’s daughter. That wild Yankee girl we likin. You memba-her. She married that (Black) man from (Africa) who works for the State Department up there in DC and she’s a (M-U-S-L-I-M). Yeah. Bless her heart.
Did y’all hear that her and her momma were trafficked up there in Nebraska and they killed poor Miss Beverly? I know. What is wrong with the world these days? I swear but I don’t. I sorry. I just done lost my head o sumpthin. I don’t know. I just don’t know. Bless her heart.
Yeah. Bless my heart. I wonder what the ladies of Candler County will think when they hear about my sexuality. Well, they did spill the tea about a few men who swung the other way if ya know what I mean. They’re right proper gentlemen. I can ask around with the ladies to find out if they’re available or not, if ya wantin me to. I’m just saying. There are options everywhere.
We queers of the entire rainbow have come a long way, baby. We may not scream it every day. I mean queens can’t exactly wear pumps on the treadmill every single day. Or can you? If you can, you are true freaks and I am jealous. I mean some of y’all make me feel butch as fuck.
No offense but I am a definite bottom bitch. We would cat fight for eternity and we all know it. Definite besties though. I mean who else could make us nerdy girls look good for a ball with absolutely nothing to work with? I know. We suck but y’all are fabulous and we love ya for it!
Actually we are ALL fabulous. Happy Pride to all of the royals of every persuasion throughout the world! That even includes you cis-het weirdos out there. You’re a big part of our rainbow. I mean, we’re family and all. And because you know,
Every life matters, especially yours. I reckon. (That’s sarcasm. You know that I’m also a gifted, disabled Audhder with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, right? I am a freak among freaks. Okay? Nobody’s perfect. I obviously ain’t. Imshi!)
Anyways,
God bless the World and especially Her people.
We certainly need all of the help we can get over here. We are all kinds of fucked up, as You well know. Help. A. Bitch. Out already!
Inshallah? Allahu Akbar? Yeah. I know. I’m going to hell. (That was definitely sarcasm. Everyone knows that I ain’t going to hell no way, no how, inshallah. There was that one warrior who hastened his death. Eeek. Y’all know who I am though. You call me Miss Darcy. Ana drsek, ahey? Ahey.
Ahaybuk wa masalama, ummah wahid!
Happy Pride, ya’ll!
Muwah!
